IT'S A GUY-THING: SHE shares with HE her observations on the narcissism of his gender...

You can't help it. It's a guy-thing.

You'd never believe how many hours I've spent listening to men blab on and on about how fast their car is, or how much it cost... or how much the next one's going to cost. And if it isn't cars it's how much money they make. It's like every conversation these guys have with a woman is a job interview. And they're just dying to let you know that they're the man for the job.

[Oh,] Not all of you[, of course.] Just most of you. I mean, everybody always complains about men not being willing to open up and talk about themselves but I don't think that's really the problem. I think the problem is most guys are too willing to talk about themselves... even though they don't have anything interesting to say.

WOMEN ARE JUST AS DEADLY AS MEN: SHE disputes the claim that men are the deadlier gender.

SHE

Well, if he doesn't think women are every bit as likely to kill as men are he hasn't really known many women.

So what [if there are way more men in prison for murder than women]? What does that prove? Just that men are easier to catch, that's all. (Takes another sip of her drink.)

Think about it. There are lots of ways to kill someone. It doesn't have to be done quickly. That's just the way men do it. That's just the way we see it being done in stories, in books and movies and so on, and usually by men. I think Mr. Leyton is overlooking two very important female traits: their patience... and their capacity for suffering.

Well, like I said, there are lots of ways to kill someone. You don't even have to break the law to do it. In fact, the best ways, the foolproof ways are legal... or at least undetectable. Unfortunately though, the best ways are also the slowest. You can't rush them. You have to do them gradually, over time, to make it look as though nature just took its course. Now that takes guts. That takes stamina. And if the person being disposed of is being gotten rid of because they're dangerous or abusive, then to do it the foolproof way takes the ability to absorb suffering as well.

[Now which gender do you think is better suited to handle all that?] Do men have to deal with major monthly discomfort ---if not outright agony--- thanks to their biology? Do eight-out-of-ten men have to endure at least one sexual assault by the time they're sixteen? Would the world be this populated if it hurt men to lose their Virginity? I doubt it. But women are built to take all that stuff. Women soon learn that pain will always be a part of their existence. There's no quick escape. In fact, there's no escape at all. A woman knows she's going to have a lot of pain in her life, and she's going to have to put up with it for a long time. So she develops patience. So she doesn't really have to hurry if she wants to kill hubby, does she? Hubby likes to eat? Fine: "Honey... I made your favourite again: Fried chicken and deep-fried ice cream for dessert." Daddy likes to drink? "Here's another rum and coke, daddy. Oh, by the way, could you just drive over to the mall and pick up a few things?" It might take years but who's to say that most of those "he died before his time" stories aren't really just evidence that some woman has signed her own release?

"WHY ASK 'WHY?'": SHE taunts her next victim.

SHE

I already told you: Christ can't help you now... Sweetheart! But I think we both know what your problem is. So why don't you just lie back like a good little boy and I'll just... remove the cause of all your troubles.

(She advances on him slowly, opening and closing the scissors as she does. He tries to crawl away from her, towards the kitchen.)

[What’s that?] "Why?" Why ask why? What difference is it going to make to you? Maybe my daddy used to touch me in the car on the way to school. Or maybe my older brother would sell me to his friends for drug money. I could be a repressed lesbian whose self-loathing can only be expressed in violent acts of mutilation directed against the sex I'm socially-conditioned to find attractive but don't. You want reasons? Watch Jerry Springer. Watch Oprah. The world's a pretty screwed-up place, Sweetheart! Oh, it's full of reasons. But how are any of those reasons going to help you? When the drug I gave you has you in its grip? When you can't move, can't even cry out in protest as I unzip your fly, take out that little fella you got tucked down there and... (snips the scissors a couple of times, suggestive.) ...Cut him down to size? Hmm? Will it make you feel better to know why when I'm holding it up in front of your eyes? Or when I stick it in your mouth and sew your lips shut? Tell me... what difference will knowing "Why" possibly make to you then?

CRUEL BULLSHIT: GIRL shares with HE her feelings about apologies and his controversial theories about serial killers.

GIRL

(With a derisive edge to her tone.) So basically, your theory on serial killers is that they are highly-evolved, super-smart people who are doing the rest of us a favour by killing us off one at a time. Wow. (Shakes her head and takes a drink.)

(Fixing Guy with a glare.) Don't tell me what he meant. I understood him. I mean, just because most of the conversations I have are with you, that doesn't mean I don't understand big words. (Beat.) It just means I don't hear them very often.

(To He.) [Look…]I accept your apology. But I'm afraid you'll have to forgive me for telling you that I not only find your theory offensive, but I also think it's a load of crap.

I know [I know]… you're sorry. You didn't mean any harm. You were just talking about how highly-evolved someone would have to be to realize that raping and torturing other human beings isn't just fun, it's the right thing to do!

[But of course you’re "sorry"] sorry so that's fine isn't it? [You’re] sorry so what's to worry about? It's over, right? We wouldn't want to waste any time "judging" the right or wrong of it, would we?

I guess that's why everybody's "sorry" these days. It's convenient isn't it? It's much easier just to be sorry for all the thoughtless things we do or say than it is to just not do them or say them in the first place. It's also easier to apologize for all the nice things we could have done but didn't bother to do. But I don't see how just saying "I'm sorry" all the time is supposed to make everything okay. What's so "okay" about only ever thinking about things after we've already hurt somebody's feelings[?], or made somebody's day a little worse or somebody's life a little harder with whatever self-serving attitude we're throwing around at the moment. Why is it all "okay" just because we say we're sorry? Does anyone really think that makes it alright?

Well, it's not alright with me. It's not alright that you just talk about people being deliberately cruel and vicious and... and evil to other people as though it's no big deal, like it's a good thing. You should be ashamed of yourself. Talking like that, thinking about it like that might make you feel all cool and superior and maybe there are people who'll think you are too. But I'm not one of them. As far as I'm concerned your little theory is just... Cruel bullshit.